suspicion

oh suspicion, a deadly feeling. doesn’t mean a lack of trust, but it will eat you alive. it will ruin the most solid of relationships, and even prevent some from even starting. there is no way to get rid of it, no matter the amount of reassurance, there isn’t. i’ve felt it..i’m praying it doesn’t get worse. for some it escalates. it’s usually the most stupid things, things that aren’t really there. just people being themselves. but there is always that tiny little voice in the back of your head. telling you that the arm touch meant more than just a gesture, that the side view glance of acknowledging someone is passing by you in the hallway is actually them staring, thinking things. all of these thoughts running through your mind. blocking the other voice that is telling you everything is fine. it eats you alive, it makes you feel sick to your stomach, makes you want to run away and hide and shut out the world for the rest of your life. it goes away sometimes but then something small sets you off again, and for those unfortunate individuals who have to suffer through it daily, don’t get any sleep, don’t get to enjoy things because the ‘what ifs’ are swarming around in their head. let that other voice speak more, listen to it. ignore the one telling you something is wrong, if something was truly wrong you would feel ten times worse. enjoy what you have and who you’re with. ignore everything else. love them.

signed

violet

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