reuniting

there are  those out there that you have encountered in your life, that leave a mark on your history. you sit many times pondering what you would do when you see them next, if they hurt you, would you say you forgive them? yell at them? beat the shit out of them? show them a sliver of the pain they have caused you? if they were the love you let go, would you tell them you miss them? you want them back? you’re sorry? or just say how are you? you think up these elaborate scenarios of what you will do when you come face to face again, but do they come true? in my case i didn’t have an idea of what i would do if i saw this one person again..a part of me never wanted to see them again. i froze up, i did nothing, said nothing, didn’t even look at them, couldn’t breathe, just walked/ran away. i wasn’t very happy with how that went down. but you can’t help how you react. your subconscious knows you better than you know yourself. you can plan your meeting all you want, but you never quite prepare yourself for the emotions that come flooding back, and how you will react. i’m not ready to see them again, probably never will be. it doesn’t mean i’m not doing fine, and that i haven’t been well on my path to getting better. but sometimes, especially those of us with photographic memories..seeing just the face again brings it all back, and maybe it’s best that you never bring up those images, emotions, reactions..ever again.

 

signed

violet

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